found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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