I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize