Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
