ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
