i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
