I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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