I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
