Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
