Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
