New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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