...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
