Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
