omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
