It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
