I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize