You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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