No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize