we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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