You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
