I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The adults are the big ones right?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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