I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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