Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
