I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
