We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
