Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
4 words: hood of his car
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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