I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
