Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
