My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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