I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
