Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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