my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
