Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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