so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
