I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
