just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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