A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
