Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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