Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
