fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
