i would punch a child for taco bell
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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