If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
