p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So much rum. So many feels.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
