rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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