OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
