all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
