My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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