Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All the doctor said was why
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
