Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
