All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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