I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
