I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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