Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
