Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
