Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
