I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
