after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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