I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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