I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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