i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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