Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
