moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
