if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
