Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
