we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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