then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
