if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
