I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
