my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hell yes lets make some ravioli
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize