I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
