i think i have herpe
just one?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
