i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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