I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
