I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
