Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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